Chores

I tell her that I’ll take the rubbish out later

for now there’s football and wine

I go to get some cheese

she blocks my way

yells that later is too late

I’ll disturb the neighbours

like they never make noise

fucking all hours

what I wouldn’t do to go down there whilst he’s out

I begin to get a semi

realise I’m in the middle of an argument and lose it

damn

I tell her “Ok! Ok! I’ll take rubbish out”

she walks off victoriously

I go straight to the fridge

grab the cheese and head back to the TV

this is the life

wine, cheese and sport

if only that blonde from downstairs was here too

I hear footsteps go to the kitchen

the silence of exasperation is deafening

she storms in demanding to know why I lied

I tell her it can wait

I won’t wake the neighbours

she can’t judge me by her own noisy standards

look how many plates you crack or chip compared to me

that last statement dives like a whale

a long list of forgotten chores is read off to me

I tune out after a while as there’s an important free kick in the game

she’s staring at me expectantly

if I don’t give a decent answer now then I’m sleeping on the sofa

but what’s she been saying?

That damn sofa is too small for me

I look out the window for hope

I find it

the blonde from downstairs is putting out her rubbish

“Ok! Ok! I was wrong. I’ll put the rubbish out” I say

right answer

she walks off victoriously

I rush to the bins

chat to the blonde

she’s split up with that dick who fucks her

my semi returns.